This blog gets a little political at times, but it was NEVER intended that way. The following is fun if you manage to read it all and indeed typifies the original purpose of this blog, which was to highlight bad media, whether that is advertising (primary design), print or broadcast.  Great media can also be accommodated and exposed, so don’t hold back.  I am beginning to receive some pretty bizarre samples of bad, so let’s do a little exposé  shall we? I just received an odd one from a Jane S about the Golden Tulip Hotel, which you can see below. Of the thousands I have in my collection, I have not reproduced them here as most are already circulating as a net funny sent around. You know the stuff; signs seen in a Chinese mall and so on, because most of these are just misinterpretation of language usage and nothing to do with media although the result is the same and the guilty shot. If the oddity is in English, then every British person thinks it funny for sure, but in most cases the same would be totally wasted on the rest of the world who speak English as a second language. Across the developing world, English only speakers are grateful, or should be, to know that this language is widely spoken. Let’s face it, it is very convenient for the British and American and the majority would be totally screwed if not, as language skills are bottom of their list in most cases. It is mine. However, it is no excuse for poor or bad English to be used in the media, yet every hour of every day bears witness to a complete crock of bollix being displayed either on radio, TV, billboards or in some cases, the daily English language newspapers in these countries. An in-house survey (small but representative) shows that almost nobody cares. ‘Ah! But it is sweet and they don’t know, bless them’, torts every liberalholic. Maybe so, but screw up in their own language and you might be deported from some states. In fact,  the British pretty much forgive anything spoken in Pidgin English because it is heard on every street in Britain and of course all over the world. British understand grammar reversed; sentences formed as if another language but using familiar words and can even detect which country you are from with some ease, simply because of the associated accent.  In some instances such as  Chinese and Japanese and anything in between is all either Japanese or Chinese, but if you are good with your ears you can distinguish quite easily. The British had to get used to the way the Americans speak English and the movies have sort of brought the two languages so close together that everyone is now a ‘guy’ and we all ‘I guess so’ or ‘go figure’.  We all get ‘laid’ (well some of us). The Americans know what ‘shag’ really means and indeed they now talk bollix. Americans can still not use the word ‘bugger’ properly, but I am never sure why.  British police now say; ‘Step out the vehicle’ which is a ludicrous statement and an action penned by Hollywood. Get out of the car makes a lot more sense as would ‘slide out of your seat’, but ‘Step out?’  ‘Soccer’ and ‘football’ are still a few light years off being healed but it will come and the Americans might start wearing ‘jumpers’ when it gets cold. The British now ‘pitch’ for creative work as Americans do and for English Northerners; they might start to see snow ‘pitching’ as they do in the South.

Let’s not get into the spelling differences between American English and English English, suffice to say that outside of the U.S. in general, media, including advertising is predominantly English oriented.  Night is not nite and so on and besides, it just hangs so hurtful on the eye and consequently the brain when you read a huge billboard with American spelling on it. Although, it is pretty safe to assess that most Brits would prefer to adopt American spellings as they are easier and a lot more logical.

Now try this:


To prove a point; no matter what your first language is, just ask a non-mother tongue English speaker of various levels to read this part spoof out loud, slowly at first and then click up the pace and so on;  ‘Sofa King – Comfortable’ It will surprise you just how many don’t realize what they are saying. When you explain it and break it up for them, they pee their pants laughing. Duh! And Sofa King did not intend that from the start? Yeah! We are all rocket scientists too! Now, elsewhere I mention a chap who has penned a few chosen phrases as reported here.  Sadly, that man has not exactly castigated me but I detect concerns because I mentioned his name in the context of this blog rather than simply a link. Anyway, he makes an excellent point and advocates on his own blog that it is an utter myth and stupidity that so-called creative bods and copywriters believe that the average non-mother tongue English speaker can detect accents when speaking English to another non-mother tongue speaker. ‘All they hear is English’ he says. It is absolutely true, thus a complete and utter waste of time using dialects in a script, if the script is intended for a market of non-mother tongue speakers. Indians speaking English to Indians only hear English, but if mixed with Hinglish, of course they can tell. (By the way, British call that ‘Jinglish’, but bloated Political Correctness will soon ban that). French speaking English to Germans speaking English only hear English. Arabs speaking English to English people only hear English. Naturally, the level of understanding or familiarity with the language is very relevant and it also has degrees.  I have my doubts that Arnold Schwarzenegger hears his German/Austrian overtone.  Some, let’s call them foreigners, can detect a strong Scottish accent and often a bit of Irish and mix the two up, whereas Brits would never mistake their origins.  Having traveled the world myself several times, I know exactly what is and what is not. Most non-mother tongue English speakers have no chance of detecting whether the person they are conversing with would be American or English. The same thing applies to all languages and nationalities. Years ago, people only gained these aural abilities through travel, but now it is through media, with television from everywhere, beamed everywhere. So for example; any Arab can immediately detect where another Arab comes from, Lebanon, Egypt, Morocco, even individual Gulf states and areas and even villages within. (However, there is the posh element and if the speaker is speaking what is called ‘Classical Arabic’, using no accent, then it just sounds Arabic as would a similar thing in English). So next time some pony tailed, sari wearing, earring clad creative genius of the ‘now’ genre tells you of his or her brilliant idea to ‘get real’ and use accents and dialects in an inane script, tell them; ‘Bollix!’ Then listen to the rhetoric arrogance.  You’ll hear of how successful they were doing this before while at so and so or in this or that country and that how out of date you are. Blah!

Now let’s get back to something that was sent to me by Jane S:


This is incredibly tame and easy to see slip by, but that is what makes it such a brilliant example of ‘bollix media’. There is so much of this rubbish in the world, on TV, radio, everywhere! In particular, places like the Middle East which is attracting media-ocrity big time with past their sell by date, safe, arrogant, hugely deluded ‘con artists’ able to operate because the masses including the bosses don’t have any perception of the art themselves. Hence endless re-hashes of what went before, so it must be what everyone wants? Wrong! But this is what they are given and the culture don’t forget, is controlled by a religion in general and rules and laws of that religion are ultra strong, so whether they like the critique or not, it really means that nobody has to ‘think’ for themselves as it is all mapped out. In such a situation, creativity can be as rare as unicorn sh*t. If something like the  Golden Tulip ad was placed on say Sky News for example, would the sales department at Sky tell the client? Would they hell! They would just take the money and run giggling all the way to the bank. (The dreadful South African campaign; ‘It’s not possible’, Who signed that off and how much was the baksheesh?) To me, this Golden Tulip spam is typical of total bollix media and like the PRONOUN VIRUS, some deluded creative zero thinks they are right on top of the world with yet another yuckspeak sign-off or slogan. Of course, my immediate reaction was that this was done ‘in-house’ by what I assume might be the spamming Filipino herself. Who knows? What I do know is that NO – even half switched on – mother tongue English speaker would come up with this pathetic copy. OR MAYBE I AM WRONG! I instantly understood what Jane was inferring and without a blink I thought it pathetic 3rd world, clichéd pap and I would have instantly fired the Agency who came up with it and the person who approved it, be it the General Manager or a marketing or PR person. Yet I put it past several Brits who happened to pop in and asked what was wrong with the ad.  All picked up the ‘Residences’ bit as it just sounds and reads wrong. Nobody is sure whether there is such a word or not. Anyway that is not the problem.  Astonishingly, all thought it typical and understood what it was supposed to mean, which must goes to show how completely dumbed down we all are and heavily anesthetized with absolute ‘bollix media bombarding us 24 hours a day.  ‘Expect’ is a future tense verb, is it not? So go to the Golden Tulip, strut their stuff and what; expect more as they didn’t give you enough? This ad sounds like a complaint to the hotel. Pretty damming stuff, slagging yourself off like that and at corporate level. Of course you all know exactly what I am saying, but NOBODY cares do you? You chuckle at the inference and still you’d patronize the hotel. I bloody well wouldn’t, as I don’t any outfit feeding me ‘Pronoun Virus’ and patronizing, condescending, incredulous asinine crap such as; ‘Your call is important to us’ or ‘We understand your needs’ and so on

Does anyone remember the last Olympics?  Hyundai was a major sponsor and their slogan was;  ‘HERE FOR YOU‘. Well the connotations on that are endlessly comical and thoroughly ridiculous. If anyone cared or took these slogans with any credibility or honesty, they would think the company pretty Mickey Mouse. Tiny companies follow big companies with outrageous claims and licking lingo, blatantly boasting the most inane aphorisms (NOT) and without shame. The bigger the company the worse it gets as here we have a billion dollar corporation in the case of Hyundai  who cannot distinguish motivational vomit with reality and it finds its way through to the media because they employ unqualified, void of any abstract thought, artistically barren marketeers and public relations people.  Those running the show perceive no qualification required, so no value. They just cannot get over their pathetic and incessant internal jargon pumped down each employee’s throats at meetings every Monday morning, for which they probably receive a little piece of paper accrediting them a course with a fat seal of official qualification at the end of the sitting. This pap is generated by self perceived cutting edge twerps all talking the talk with every other word being ‘customer’ mixed up with utterances that are nouns used as adjectives;  ‘synergy’ – ‘targets’ – ‘vision’ and utter crap that is supposed to make one and all ‘dynamic’ like the so called penis heads giving it out.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, February 28th, 2009 at 12:48 am and is filed under advertising, american, arabs, asians, BBC, british, Copy, language, languages, media, mentality, minority, opinion, pronoun, radio, slogans, stupidity, television, THIRD WORLD, virus. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.



  1. Mr Bollix Says:

    I told you; ‘We’re all Sofa King Barren. ‘A British man who has the “lowest” rank in the highest social class’. Pretty much fits then and maybe what ‘The Sculptor’ meant. (KL). On his/her return from the garden party at Buckingham Palace we shall find out. Awaiting moderation. But what a wonderful, simply mav-less dahlink contributor you are and well ‘ard. Question is: I still can’t find anyone who sees anything wrong with ‘Expect more’. Which planet is this please?

  2. Joktar Says:

    me no understand 😉 what ur problem, m8te? ur on Earth:)

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